You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
