Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
