yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Help. Why am I so naked?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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