Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
