I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize