I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize