At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
