how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
