I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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