ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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