and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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