I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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