Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We named our party play list daddy issues
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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