I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
