I think i peed on brittanys purse
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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