The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
