gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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