I faked an abortion last night.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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