I am puke
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
