you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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