Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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