Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
