Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
