i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
