very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
