You're completely useless in the revolution.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
