This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you would pick up someone in the library
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
