he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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