please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
