What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
