Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
