my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
