you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize