do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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