Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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