Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
