I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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