never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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