woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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