i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
