So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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