I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
