told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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