i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
