My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
