dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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