I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
