Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
