maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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