i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
