Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
