So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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