She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
