...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
