Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
