yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
