I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
