I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They are going to name an STD after you.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
