I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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