I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
