I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
