And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
