I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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