I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
