i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
