I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize