i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
