I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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