did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I need to calm my uterus...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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