There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
