I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were destined to go to rehab together
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
