I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
