dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
