whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
