Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
