So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
