I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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