The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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