is your mom at the bar?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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