There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
