Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
