We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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