carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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