Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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